pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
