this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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