so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
