my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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