My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
