i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
