By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
