just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im holly from the hills drunk
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
