You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need a beard to bite.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
