i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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