I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
