we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
