Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my liver is dry heaving
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