she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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