the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
