Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
