I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
