woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
