Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My penis needs a shock collar
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
