I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
