I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
