I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
