Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My ATM looks so different sober.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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