If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The adults are the big ones right?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
