I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
