my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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