man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
