piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
