um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
