Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
