If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
