I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
