Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
