I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
