Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
