if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
