This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
