I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
