what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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