There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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