Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
