Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
