he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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