Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
