So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
