You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
