So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
