Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
