who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
