in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
