Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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