I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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