ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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